Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Discordia Arts - last challenge


Task 25 (FINAL TASK) Due Feb 28. JOURNAL

For your final journal entry, reflect on this experience. Did you grow? Did you push yourself? Which of the tasks was the most difficult, the most fun, the most helpful in your personal dance journey? Did this challenge help you move out of your comfort zone, and how? Anything else that you would like to add?


I admit it: I am uncomfortable in my own body. Dance has changed a lot in my life, and has impacted my health overall for the better, but I still have a road to travel down to be truly comfortable in my own skin. A challenge like this is extraordinarily difficult because I spend so much time internally restricting myself that I have a hard time letting go and existing, let alone living, in the moment. I half-feared that I would start and stop it, hoping that nobody noticed. My self-judgement and lack of self-confidence work very hard to keep me very restrained.

I made it through, and completed every challenge.

I'd be more proud if I had been able to give this challenge my all, and not only what little I could do in between bouts of sickness. As it was, I made it through and I do feel like I pushed myself and grew, but I feel like I could have pushed myself further and grown more had I been healthy during the challenge. I think that I would like to go through all of the challenges again once I am back to full health and prepared to give it my all. Maybe I will report in about it again.

Oddly, the task I had the hardest time with was one that I should have had the easiest time with. This was due to health restrictions. I had plans to attend different classes each week and even scheduled them. I also had a hard time with the "no music" task because I spent entirely too much time in my head. After completing it though I started working with it some again. I can see the massive benefit in creating combinations and trying them out with different music to see how the general feel changes. Critiquing myself was pretty hard.

"Clowning Around" and "unusual Props" were super fun. I had previously done colors and elements and enjoyed getting to revisit them. I definitely want to revisit most of the tasks, especially the repetition one, soon.

I think that they all were helpful in their own ways. Each task showed me an area where I can improve, gave me tools to work on that, and inspired me to try again. They nudged me out of my comfort zone. I imagine that I need to spend more time with them to really explore outside my comfort zone. Some were more difficult, some were easy, and all were beneficial in their own way.


Saturday, February 14, 2015

Discordia Arts Dance Challenge Entry #4

Prompt: Self critique and analysis.
Watch a video of yourself dancing (if you don't have a performance video, use your camera or phone to tape a quick improv and use that).

Critique yourself. Be honest, but be kind. Imagine that the person on the video is another dancer who has asked you for feedback but is not you. Some* things to look for are technique, musicality, artistry and emotion, movement transitions, general lines, use of prop (if applicable), diversity of movement, and overall feel of the piece. Look for both the good things that you are doing and the areas where you need improvement, and write your critique out.



I have only performed in groups so I don't have anything solo to critique. I decided to critique myself during an event where I performed three times. I royally screwed up my first performance and my nerves were shot. I was about ready to give up. The second one went better. This was the last one and a culmination of nerves, fears, and celebration.

I'm not good at critiquing, myself or anyone else. So this will probably be short and not as in-depth as it could be. Perhaps I will revisit this and re-critique a few years from now.

My technique was good for my level and experience, I think. There are still some things that need work and improvement but I articulated the moves and don't think I screwed up much. I was a bit fast on some things because I was so worried about messing up that I went on auto pilot and rushed some things.

Emotion is my big issue. I'm too busy concentrating to really emote. This piece was more forgiving of a serious face than most that I have done but I still feel like I missed out on major moment to really sink into the dance and let the emotion come through.

I'm comfortable with swords and I think that shows. However, I feel like I could improve some of my lines when working with them. I also feel like I could have sank more into some of the moves with it.

Overall, I think it was successful and the feedback that I received verified that. Given my relative "newness" to dance, my attempt at a non-beginner level choreography went well and, with some work on lines, confidence, and emotion it could be really lovely if I perform it again.




Thursday, February 5, 2015

Discordia Arts Journal Entry 3

Prompt: Choose 3 words that describe you as a dancer.
Explain your choices.

Imagine that there are 2 more words that could describe you as a dancer, but you just haven't reached them yet. What are they? Explain your choices.

If you want to take it further, explore what you may need to do to get your dancing to those next 2 words.


Words are incredibly important. Understanding what words mean, and what connotations are associated with them, gives power to the speaker or writer. So, when asked to come up with words that describe me, I hesitate. My ability to describe myself is flawed. Over the years I have heard many descriptions of myself and they are sometimes contradictory:

Free spirit. Shiny. Tightly wound. Kind. Empathetic. Over-committed. Overachiever. Enthusiastic. Sparkly. Creative. Fascinating. Smart. Silly. Impatient. Brilliant. Compassionate. Intense. Hopeful. Passionate. Closet Nerd. Worrier. Skilled. Rug. Beautiful. Writer. Lacks self-confidence. Diverse. Animal lover. Non-argumentative. Poetic. Peaceful. Crazy. Dedicated.

All of these words come together to form a complex, and at times a bit contradictory, human being. From these words we can draw a picture of a person who is multi-dimensional and completely unsure of who she is. The world would be boring if life was not a constant exploration of self.

Who am I as a dancer? That is a good question. What words would I use to describe me? Admittedly, my brain drew a blank so I asked for some opinions and then considered them.

Dedicated: I feel that I am dedicated to dance and to bettering myself as a dancer and a person. I routinely attend 4 days worth of classes and practice at home, as well as being able to commit extra days when needed or offered learning opportunities. I have attended workshops and jump at taking them when given the chance. I'm even signed up to take a workshop taught by my regular teacher because there is always more that she can teach me and that I can practice. Sometimes, when I am sick and not practicing like I usually do, I question if I am dedicated but then, as soon as I feel better, I am back to multiple classes and extra work catching up. I'm still a relatively new dancer but I'm told by countless others that I dance as if I have been at it much longer and that I have a gift. However, I don't know if I can say that about myself. What I can say is that I work hard and I dedicate myself to the art form. I could work harder, I'm sure, and I will try to.

Diverse: My dance journey has been interesting. I've learned basics that transcend style. I've been learning elements of tribal fusion, which it is the style that I first fell in love with. I got invited to join (or, integrated into) an Egyptian Cabaret troupe. I've taken workshops focusing on balady, shaabi, and Turkish dance. I've been learning diverse styles with a wide array of teachers and all of it serves to make me better and challenge me.

Enthusiastic: I want to learn as much as I can. I want to dance as much as I can. I want to continue on my journey, growing as a dancer and a person. I jump into as much as I can. Dance makes me happy. It makes me healthy. It makes me complete.

Two Words that I Aspire To:


Expressive: I live in my head. Because I get so wrapped up with getting the technique and moves right I lose my expressiveness. My insecurities also stop me from being expressive. I have a hard time letting go and theatricality (or even showing emotions) have never been a strong point and have always felt fake. I aspire to be expressive and to make it feel natural. I hope to reach this by doing more movement exercises, expression exercises, and more out-of-my-comfort-zone exercises.

Confident: I lack confidence which ties into my issues with expressiveness. I lack confidence in my abilities and I worry so much about getting everything perfect that I get lost in worry. I worry a ton and need to tackle my self-esteem issues in dance and life in order to achieve confidence. I think that my lack of confidence in myself definitely fuels my lack of confidence in dance. I need to continue working on my self-confidence to help myself as a dancer in this area.


Thursday, January 29, 2015

Discordia Arts Challenge: Entry 2


Journal Prompt: Analyze your personal dance practice. What are my goals* for dance in 2015? How is my personal practice structured (or not structured? Do I feel like my personal practice is adequate to meet my dance goals for this year, and if not, what do I think I need to do, what help do I need, and how can I restructure my personal practice in order to better reach my goals?

I have been mulling over my goals for 2015. The newest journal task in the Discordia Arts Dance Challenge has prompted me to seriously contemplate them and narrow them down. It is easy for me to want to do all the things on my list but it is also unrealistic and would split my focus. I have a long list and a short attention span.

I set up a dance room last year and have been working on it ever since. We converted my dining room into a nice-sized dance space, complete with mirrors on 2 walls, shelves for music, books, dvds, zills, and props, places to hang my swords, and various decorative things. We have a TV and DVD player mounted for dance DVDs. Lately I have been leaving a hip scarf or two and my wings on the shelves as well. I think that it is actually a nice space for practice and, with the exception of normal home distractions, it should fit my needs for a long time. It helps to have everything in one area.

One main goal for me is to truly structure practice and to make it a daily habit, including yoga and conditioning. I practice when I can but I could do more. I am unfamiliar with conditioning and structuring practices due to my lack of involvement in anything that required it. One way for me to tackle this goal is to commit to the 90 Day Dance Challenge. The challenge is to set goals and work towards them everyday for 90 days, even if it is only five minutes. I think that I could meet that while working towards making my practices the most efficient and beneficial. Getting into the routine of making time everyday will help. I do little things throughout the day anyways, but this will be me working towards setting more meaningful habits.

My other goals are varied. I plan on working on my belly rolls and layering. I plan on completing every DVD in my collection and using Datura Online. I also plan on working towards improvisation and trying my hand at building choreography. We'll see what 2015 brings, but I hope that I hit some of my goals on my journey. 

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Discordia Arts Dance Challenge Entry

Journal prompt: How does dancing in public make me feel? Does it matter if there are people dancing with me, if I'm on a stage or not, or if it's a structured performance or not, or whether I am in costume? Does the type of audience or group surrounding me make a difference to the way I feel when I dance in public?

Dancing in public evokes very complicated feelings within me. I am not a performer. I could be, someday, but for now I am doing well to remember the choreography during a performance and paste some type of non-terrified look onto my face. One of my favorite pictures of myself dancing was taken at the Boom Boom Shake performance. However, I don't share it. It shows me truly carefree with a happy smile on my face while performing. It was a wonderful moment. But it is also unflattering because it makes me look like I have a double chin, which I do not, so the self-critical part of me keeps it hidden away. Most people are their own harshest critics but I am particularly ruthless and a slight misstep or blemish that nobody notices or cares about will send me into a self-critical assassination of myself. I walk a complex line in life and in dance.

I always feel torn at the prospect of dancing in public. On one hand I thoroughly enjoy dancing, especially in costume with others. I want to be part of the whole experience. I am proud of what I do and excited that I do it. On the other hand I am terrified of failure and embarrassment so I work through it and miss enjoying the moment. I also have body issues so I am embarrassed to be seen in costumes. To quote the now-defunct band Trendy, "I've got less confidence than prostitutes at church on Sunday". These work together and create apprehension while dancing in social settings as well. I'm not likely to let loose and just dance at an event. I feel awkward, like I don't know what to do and I don't want to be judged. I have the tools on my tool box, and I know how to dance, I just don't know which ones to pull out when and am afraid to choose wrong. Improvisation is foreign to me and I have no idea how to learn how to do it. At home, my constant criticism of myself stops me from really letting loose on too many occasions.

I have found that I need a security blanket at this point in my dance journey. That blanket is a group. I do particularly well with a group of friends that I dance most of the time with. I also do better with an audience that is separated from me. I'm here on this stage and you're down there, away from me. That works for me. Intimate settings are unnerving. People that know how to dance unnerve me more because they know when I screw something up. I feel safer dancing to a blind audience on a stage. Yet, I strive to become the dancer that lives in the moment and wants to dance to other dancers, close together. I have a long journey ahead of me.